Date: Aug. 25, 2010
The Kingdom of God through Forgiveness . by Monica Ocasio Mark: 2: 1-17 Key Verse: 2:5b, Son, Your sins are forgiven . In this chapter of Mark we see different ways that Jesus heals the sick. First starting with the paralytic. This man was not able to walk to get to Jesus but four of his friends had so much faith in the lord that they took their friend to him hoping that he could heal him. Upon arrival they see a huge crowd gathered around Jesus. There were even people outside the door. There was no way that they would be able to get their friend to the front to see Jesus. Perhaps if it were me, with my complacent attitude, I would of said oh well we tried. But the friends had so much faith in the lord that they were determined to get their friend to him no matter what obstacles stood in their way. The four men climbed up on the roof and started to dig a hole so that they can lower their friend to where Jesus was. Jesus saw how much faith that these four men had and told the paralytic, “ Son, your sins are forgiven.†People in the crowd maybe thought, what? Clearly this man is paralyzed. Why did Jesus not cure him of his physical disability. But when Jesus saw the man he saw something deeper. He saw that this man had even a bigger disability. He was so sin sick. How can this man be a sinner? He can not walk . How can he commit a crime. He can not go steal from or, hurt or murder anybody. But the paralytic was a bitter person. He was not grateful for what he had. He felt sorry for himself. He felt as if everybody owed him something and that he should be served. Although he was breathing, he was not living.
I think that I too was a lot like the paralytic man. I was not a murder, or did not commit adultery, but I was full of sinful thoughts. I was not at all happy. I was jealous, I would gossip, I did not respect my Husband and I was not at all grateful for what I had. I had worldly desires. I always wanted something more. I was jealous of my cousins and my girlfriends life style. They have children but are not married. They live with their parents. They would go home and there would already be food on the table and the house was clean. They did not have to worry about what they were going to make for dinner or having to go home to clean the mess and care for their children. Their parents would do their laundry and help them raise their children. They always had a baby sitter. They would go out on the weekends and were able to sleep in because their parents would care for the kids. That is not fair I would tell my self. They have it so easy. Here I am with two kids and a husband. I have no time for myself. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I was so full of animosity towards everybody.
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Instead of thanking god for blessing me with two healthy baby boys I would cry to him and ask him why? Why did you not send me a baby girl. He knew how much I wanted a girl. Why did he not answer my prayers? I don’t think that I am a bad person. Why is it that my brother’s girlfriend that does make her children her priority, why does she have three girls. My boys are only a year a part and they are a handful. They are healthy boys with a lot of energy. I would say God my life would be so much easier if they were calm little girls. When My sister-in-law and my brothers girlfriend had their daughters’ a couple of months ago, I was happy for them, but at the same time I was very sad. And a big part of me could not help but to be jealous. They are both unmarried. They both were teenage mothers and both have had help from their mothers to raise their other children. Why did god send them girls? Whether we are doing a good or bad job at raising our boys my husband and I are raising them. Not our parents. I also started to doubt that I had made the right decision in getting married. Orlando and I started to have a lot of problems. We would fight a lot and were very disrespectful towards one another. I was not understanding of his disability and would yell at him and tell him that he was crazy. Instead of trying to help and educate myself on PTSD, I would add un-necessary stress to him. I would tell him that I was very sorry that he was injured in Iraq, but that it was not my fault. Why do I have to pay for it. I was not at all compassionate towards him and all that he had been through.
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We attended that Christmas play in December, and shortly after started one on one bible study with Missionary Deborah and Orlando with Missionary Daniel. When we first started I was very hesitant. I would cry to Orlando and ask him why is he is trying to change me. Orlando would tell just to give it a try, and if I did not like it, I could stop. I would tell him okay, I will do one on one bible study, but do not expect me to go to worship service. I am catholic, I was born and raised catholic and that is how I am going to raise my children. Orlando was very patient with me and would just say okay. We started studying Genesis. I learned how god created the heaven and earth. What really touched me is when we studying how god made woman out of man. We studied how god created woman to be a suitable helper for man. That is when I really realized what my role as a wife and mother is. I am here to help and serve my husband. I always say that I wish that I would of known this before I got married. So many problems would have been avoided.
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A week before the Easter conference Missionary Daniel invited us to the conference. I remember that day clearly. Orlando and I had gotten into a huge fight in the morning, and I told him to call Missionary Deborah and tell her that I was not going to have bible study that day, because I was angry and my heart was not in it. When Missionary Daniel arrives at our house I see him get out of the car alone. I thought to myself wow, Orlando called them and told Missionary Deborah not to come. Then Missionary Daniel tells us that Missionary Deborah had to baby-sit for their daughter Grace, because she was at the Easter conference that weekend. We accepted his invitation to go to the Easter conference. That Friday they were going to pick us up to go to the conference. Orlando and I got into another fight and I told him that I was not going to the Easter conference. I left and went to run some errands. When Missionary Daniel and Deborah arrived to our house Orlando tells them that I was not going. Missionary Deborah did not accept that. She told Orlando to call me and tell me that they would wait for me. She told him that Satan is really working hard and she will not allow us to give victory to him. He called me and I said Okay I will be right there.
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The Easter conference was a Huge turning point in both of our lives. That is where I met god for the first time. I always knew about him, and up to that day I really thought that I knew him. I will never forget the opening messing by Curie Lee on Luke 7. When Jesus raises the widow’s son. Where he tells the mother to stop crying and he tells the son to get up. I really felt like Jesus was telling me through Curie to GET UP and STOP CRYING. That weekend is when Orlando and I both really opened up to one another. We shared our testimonies with one another and we both cried. At the Easter conference they told us about the summer conference. Orlando and I both said that we wanted to go. Since Easter conference, I have studied weekly with Missionary Deborah, and then we started group bible study on Christian marriage. We found out about BBF, and our boys have not missed a class since. The boys really enjoy bbf. They say Mommy are you and Daddy going to take us to sing songs, listen to the story and color? God is also using our boys to co work with Missionary Deborah and Orlando to bring me to Jesus, just like the four friends all worked together to bring he paralytic to Jesus. I feel like they are all holding on to one side of the mat and lowering me down to where Jesus is. I really thank god for my boys and it amazes me how at such a young age they have such a Sheppard heart. They really motivate Orlando and I to bring them to BBF. After BBF, they really look forward to going to Missionary Daniels’ house.
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Through One on one bible study I have realized that I am a huge sinner. I use to blame my problems on everybody else. I would never accept my faults, my husband can vouch for that one. At the summer conference I felt convicted of my sins. Hearing Renato and Joanna’s house church testimony, I really repented. They opened my eyes to make me see how ungrateful I am. There are so many good people that would give anything to have a baby and here god sent me two and I still dared to question his will. I really cried and asked god for forgiveness. After hearing Mary Cowens house church testimony I again really repented. Hearing how she lost her husband after only being married for 10 years and she was left to raise three children on her own, I really thanked god for my Husband. Although we may disagree at times we are a team, and I can not imagine my life without him. He is my best friend and my partner. I really felt like Jesus spoke to me in Mark 2:5b when he says, “Son/Daughter, your sins are forgiven.†I really thank god for his love and mercy on a sinner like myself, and for dying on the cross so that my sins and the sins of everybody could be forgiven.
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At the conference I confessed for the first time that Jesus is my Christ and King and that I love him. When they asked us to raise our hands without any hesitation I raised my hand and I held it up proudly. Just like Jesus healed the Paralytic of his sins, I really feel in my heart that Jesus has also Healed me. I am not saying that I am not a sinner, because I still am, but now it is different. I know that I am sinning, and I can repent and ask god for forgiveness. And God is so great and he loves us so much that he does forgive me and not just me but all of us. Like it says in Luke 22:42b says, “ yet not my will but yours be done.†I really accept that everything that has happened in my life has been gods will. God knows me better than anybody in this world. He knows that when I am in trouble I turn to him. I think all of the heartaches that I have had was his way of telling me to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to me as well, Matthew 6:33. I put my life and the life of my family in gods hands and I know that he will guide us in the right direction. I really thank god for Missionary Deborah and Daniel and their Sheppard heart. They have modeled for us what a church house should be. I really hope that one day Orlando and I can be a blessing to a young lost couple like we once were. I really pray to god that I too can be raised to be a women of god and a mother of prayer. I thank god for all of our IIT co-workers. I really thank you for your prayers. I hope that one I will be able to pay it forward, and feed lots of lost sheep. And if it is his will, we will have a baby girl and if not I thank and praise him for the great blessings that he has given me.
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One word, “ Daughter, your sins are forgiven.â€
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